This is the second post in a series entitled “Talk About It.” This series will focus on how to spread the pro-life message through your personal relationships. Sign-up HERE to get articles like this delivered to your inbox.
“Begin with the End in Mind”
- Stephen Covey, Habit #2 of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
What is the end goal when you talk about abortion with someone?
Last week, I wrote about how important it is to talk about abortion in your everyday life. This week I would like to talk about the end goals of talking about abortion with people.
What are we actually trying to accomplish?
I suspect that we all have some idea of what the end should be. I also suspect that it varies a lot from person to person.
If we know exactly what we are trying to achieve then we be able achieve it much more effectively, right?
Right.
What are your goals?
When you go into a conversation about abortion what are your goals?
I want to learn from your wisdom.
Even if you haven’t had much experience talking about abortion, I’d love to hear your opinion on what the end goal is!
Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think the best goal is!
My next post will draw from all the comments left here and from my experiences to come up with the best end goal(s).
This post is from a series entitled “Talk About It.” This series is about how to spread the pro-life message through your personal relationships. Sign-up HERE to get future articles in this series delivered to your inbox.
When talking to someone who is pro-choice, pro-abortion, or lukewarm, I want to find out why their reasons for having an abortion or supporting abortion are more important than someone’s right to life.
The purpose of talking about abortion is in a loving way let everyone know that abortion is killing one of God’s children. God formed us in the womb. Life begins at conception. The only thing that happens after that is that we grow bigger.
Vic
I think the best end would be the end of abortion, and for all people to respect life from natural conception to a natural death.
Absolutely! Long-term, that’s where we’re going! Thanks CT
The “end” of speaking to people about abortion is two-fold:
1) Help them to understand precisely who and what is present inside the mother’s womb, i.e. another human being, created in the image and likeness of God, given life according to God’s will and his plan, just like every other living soul who ever existed. Once life is present, no man or woman has the right to end it … no matter what some court, some politician, or some activist might decree.
2) Life is first and foremost, a gift from God. God has a way of raising up the lowest of the low and the weakest of the weak, in order to accomplish great things. So there’s never an excuse for abortion.
One doesn’t need to believe in God to see the truth of this. The world is full of highly improbably success stories, no matter to whom they might be ultimately attributable.
Abortion not only kills another living person, it robs the family of justice and peace, while depriving the world of the intrinsic worth that is part and parcel of every human being.
In short, abortion is probably the most self destructive, short sighted type of behavior there ever was, or ever will be.
Abortion is never justified by circumstances. It remains a grievous offense against God and man, profoundly hurtful to the mother and to the father, coldly inhumane, and always deadly to the little child (fetus).
Thanks Doug!
Isn’t it amazing how little this is talked about in general? Even with the fact that it is such a grave injustice!
My goal is to make my opinion known. However, being a senior I’m not going to get in a drag down fight over it. As the Gospel says, you make your opinions known to your brother. That is your duty. What he does with your input is up to him. Your example of the holiness of life is the greatest thing that you can impress upon another person. Our society has the power to kill but it can’t create another planet, a mountain or make us live beyond our age limit. Nor has it been able to create life in a test tube. It all comes down to plain old common sense. We are responsible for our actions. Someone gave us the genes of life. We are responsible to Him.
Thank you for commenting, Jean! Keep making your opinion known!
I think the end goal is to get them thinking about whether or not it is a human life. Because if it is, all other issues (women’s rights, health, quality of life) take a backseat. Also, the fact that it is in fact a human life can be supported scientifically and theologically. This makes it easier to show them why abortion should never be allowed.
For intellectual arguments, you are right, life is the key. Thanks Ross!
It is pretty obvious that we all want to change a pro-choice person into a pro-life person. But the question here is “Is that goal achievable in a single conversation?” Or should that ultimate goal be achieved by small single conversation goals such as “why is the other person pro-choice?” (as Mary K mentioned), telling the other person why we are pro-life, talking about proven “science” facts about abortion, talking about the religious aspects of abortion, etc… To sum up, the goal for me is to plant the seeds of pro-life and get the other person to reconsider on their own time without me seeming “preachy” or over baring.
Great point, Beth! In this post, what I meant (in my head) was more what is the purpose of the individual conversation. I guess that didn’t come across very well. Thanks for clarifying it for me here!
I second Beth’s post. It’s next to impossible to change someone’s beliefs in one conversation so I would say my goal it just to plant an idea in the persons head so they’ll start thinking about the issue in a different way, and then I let the issue go. In other words, my goal for a single conversation is to get the person to move just slightly away from being pro-choice and slightly closer to being pro-life. Eventually, the person will keep thinking it over and make the decision in their own time. I feel the worst thing you can do is to be too overbearing because then it turns the other person off, and they totally shut down on the conversation and mentally close their mind to whatever you’re saying. I know this because I converted from being pro-choice to pro-life, and I’ve delt with the overbearing type and know it does not work. Incrementalism works.
When speaking about abortion with someone, I always try to move them to either be less pro-legalized-abortion, or more pro-life. While it may happen that a pro-legalized-abortion person has vague ideas about what abortion truly is, depending on how they respond to comments or questions, it is often instructive to lay out plainly just what happens in an abortion. Even some pretty hard core pro-legalized-abortion people can be shaken in their beliefs if they are confronted with what actually takes place when an abortion is committed. And unfortunately, some pro-life people say no to abortion but yes to artificial contraception. With those people, the science of what occurs when various artificial contraceptives are used can be quite sobering. And for those who oppose artificial contraception, but want a specific number of children and not what God in His loving providence wants to send them, speaking about the importance of large families, and how they are better for both the parents and the children can go a long way. As always, truth spoken with charity is key.
Well said, Preston!
When I talk about abortion, I first want to know the other person’s reasons for their beliefs. I start by letting them have a say first. I finish with giving them my reasons. My goal is always to reinforce pro-lifers beliefs, sway those who are on the fence towards being pro-life, and try getting pro-choice people to do a complete 180. This last part is sometimes unrealistic but I always try leaving them with something to think about.
Jennifer, I think you’ve made a very good point. Knowing their reasons is extremely helpful!
My end goal is for Abortion to be Unthinkable!! People need to connect the
dots and see the consequences of their bad choices. The 180 movie is a great
way to begin thinking critically. The Lie of Sex without cost has ravaged our soul as Nation and assaulted our core values of Life and Liberty. We have been bankrupted morally, socially, and financially. There is a Readiness
now more than ever to make a dramatic difference and join the Life Revolution!!!!! We need to Awaken to the urgency of the hour,forsake foolish destructive patterns and “fight for our future” !!! This can be the generation that sees abortion come to an end!!!!
I don’t really talk about it because I tend to lack confidence but I do pray for people. .
Keep following this series and hopefully you will build your confidence! :)
My end goal would be, to first establish, why it’s ok to pull apart, limb from limb, an innocent human being, in the mothers womb where it is suppose to be the safest place just because, you can’t see it, and have been told that it’s a blob of tissue, but not a baby. It’s murder of a human and if they would agree to go for an ultra sound and hear a heart beat, I could see them change and do a 180 turn.
Gloria, thank you for your comment!
Have you had this happen?
I’ve actually gotten people to admit that it is murder, but still not change their mind.
The few times that I have talked about abortion, I end up trying to do two things:
1) Explain how being pro-life is a well-thought out stance (not the religious mania that some portray it as)
2) Uncover the other person’s underlying assumptions, to make sure he or she is aware of them.
Both of these are ways of encouraging clear reasoning on the subject.
The goal I think is to engage the other person in a conversation, understand their views, and share your own.
In my experience, people have stereotyped pro-lifers as angry conservatives who hold up bloody signs with fetuses on them. My goal is to be a compassionate voice of life. My anger is not going to change anyone’s mind about the issues.
Ultimately, it’s about changing hearts, not minds. All I can do is be a witness and deliver the message. Ultimately God, through the Holy Spirit, will change their hearts.
Peace.
Ed
When the average Pro-Lifer says that they want to end abortion, they mean just that; no more killing babies. But, we have to go deeper than that. Making abortion illegal once again will only solve half of the problem, the other half is the death-culture mindset of America. To FULLY heal American from the mindset that abortion is one of every-day-rights, we need to tackle this first in order to KEEP abortion illegal and to try to decrease the possibility of abortion procedures carried out secretly (as have happened before). People must be re-educated in morality, understand what rights truly are, realize the dignity and sacredness of human life, and accept their responsibilities to protect unborn children even if they are brought into existence through rape and incest. It is widely known these days that advanced science has PROVED that life begins at conception, but I’ve witnessed the modern culture, full of people who so often make science their god instead of God Himself, that they shouldn’t believe everything science reveals to them (secretly, because the result doesn’t suit them). I have also heard the mother referred to as the “host” of the pregnancy. This is a world-wide cheapening view of the whole situation of fertility and pregnancy that must be reversed. That’s a big part of the issue. This is not a “Black-and-White” matter as some Pro-Lifers may think; people who don’t believe in abortion are good and people who believe, perform, and have abortions are bad. That’s a yes and no reality. So many times, I think, when the average American hears the word “pregnant”, they think to themselves, “Abortion is always an option”; an option equal to letting the child live and giving birth to it. We need to stop this mentality. If we can help women find hope in their situations, it would be easier for them to accept their unborn children. If we can help men understand that they have a role to play in being the pinnacle of masculinity by staying strong and supporting women and unborn children as protectors, this may do great things. They have to know that they’re at their best when they do the right thing. It’s rarely easy, but that is the reality. People must understand that abortion should not be a civil right that can be aided by government tax dollars or supported by “charity” donations. It’s never something you should vote on. It’s parallels the situation of a bunch of people in a boat that’s sinking; the one who isn’t wanted most is the one that gets tossed overboard. They have to understand that they’re killing PEOPLE, and that that should NEVER be THEIR right to do so.
I’m sorry, I would also like to add another argument. People may argue that one has the right to have an abortion if the child has a genetic disease and so forth, and so often, the situation is treated with ease. But this should not be the same decision as putting down your dog. It’s not the same thing. You’re not putting down a dog, your putting down a person; YOUR child. In order to fix the death-culture cycle, it’s important that people find a healthy, comfortable, and natural relationship with their unborn child no matter what defects he or she may have or how the child came into being. They must embrace the reality that their child is apart of them and that they are apart of their child. I once read a story Online. A mother went to her doctor. She had her baby in her arms. She told her doctor that she had become pregnant again and that she wanted him to end her abortion. She said that taking care of too babies was too much for her and that she expected him to “help” her. He responded by telling her that if she couldn’t handle taking care of two babies, why not kill the one she was holding? The mother was appalled and said that it was murder and refused to even consider the idea. Then the doctor revealed to her that the same right applied to her unborn child. Then she understood. Abortion is MURDER. It’s unethical, un-Constitutional, and it destroys the harmonious relationships of families and how they are viewed. If you think killing your child is no big deal, try killing one of your parents or your best friend. You probably won’t be able to do it. That’s good. That means you understand the value of the people you love. The same goes for your baby. No one can love your baby better than you can. Remember that.
We sidewalk counsel at our local abortion clinic so we have just a couple of minutes to make a point before they are sucked in the door. We try to convey that they don’t have to do this and there is help for them right across the parking lot at CareNet. If they are willing to stop and talk I usually ask if they are a Christian, if they believe that God created them, and if they think that God made a mistake when he created their baby. God doesn’t make mistakes, we are the one who make mistakes and this is the worst “choice” they will ever make.
When I speak about abortion I want to show the beauty and the gift of life. Until one sees the beauty of life and the unselfishness and pureness of love, it will be hard for them to support the pro-life cause.
when I speak about abortion, especially when talking with teens, I try to remind them about the value of human life, and our responsibilities to end it. I talk not only of the death of the child, but of the damage to the mother, and sometimes, the father I speak about the conscious effort it takes to continue the fight against abortion, that it will not end without condemnation of it by those who are fighting to stop it. I remind the teens to relate their knowledge about abortion to their peers, esp. those who are not of their faith, because knowledge instills responsibility for actions.
My purpose in talking about abortion, is to instead talk about life. My hope is that my conviction will sound strong enough to sway or weaken the person’s stance. I consider it to be a ‘witness’ for life, and that takes some courage.
I am an artist, and so I know that beauty and the seeing of that beauty can make a change of heart in some people. If you can, find the books by Alexander Tsiaras (From Conception to Birth) and Peter Tallack (In The Womb), and the incredible in utero photos of Lennart Nillson. When people see it, they believe it. That is why it is so important to allow women to see their ultrasounds.
My final point is that so many people have been touched by this issue personally, that we always need to pray and keep a kind heart for those who don’t even recognize the impact of their bad choices. When we speak, we are never aware of the secret and private issues the person may have experienced, either themselves or a loved one.
The best end goal is to see abortions (even just SOME abortions) stop occurring. The person we are talking to can help us achieve that goal if we convince him/her that unborn babies have a right to life.
The worst end goal is to see the other person’s point of view pummeled in debate-style fashion. If you walk away thinking, “Man, I showed him/her!” you probably haven’t converted the person into a partner in the fight for life. In my opinion, whatever approach is most likely to achieve that is the one that should be used.
My goal is to hopefully convince then of the pro-life message, things rarely work out that way. My second goal is to given them the knowledge so God could use that as a foundation for when He needs it and wills it to pull on the heart strings of every human soul. It is our instinct to protect our fellow humans. I feel with this knowledge about human dignity and theology in general all we can hope for is to give the Holy Spirit a foundation.
When I talked to someone about abortion, my goal is to make them understand that Abortion destroys a human life (baby’slife) and that life begins at conception. For I think that when people understands that life begins at conception and that the little one in the womb is a real person, not just a mass of cells, they will see how wrong and unjust abortion is.
Thank you.
My goal, or end, in talking about abortion is to show that abortion is unthinkable. Because abortion is an unthinkable atrocity.
Why is this my goal?
If abortion is unthinkable, pro abortion ideology has no intellectual soundness in the public square. It never did.
If abortion is unthinkable, there is no reason to vote for pro abortion candidates. There never was a reason.
If abortion is unthinkable, then friends will help their friends keep from making abortion a choice. It never was a choice.
If abortion is unthinkable, then the most vulnerable and voiceless in our society will be allowed to live. There were always meant to live.
Before they were ever formed in the womb, they were known.
A truly civilized society embraces every single human being as a worthy creature, endowed with unique powers, a person with great nobility. This is in spite of economic status (money never made a man), education (education often breeds arrogance), or even how they were conceived (children conceived in rape are perceived as even less human than all the others). That life has a role that no other life can play in our society. We need each and every child, and we need them now. Our society is on the brink of total collapse.
We have tried economic stimulus. It hasn’t worked yet. We tried more economic stimulus. That hasn’t worked yet either. Why not try something new? Why not try embracing life?
I just try to bring up the topic of abortion anyway possible.
I find that whenever we talk about abortion, the pro-life side wins. Most people are in the mushy middle and simply do not know the facts of life. When we discuss the humanity of the preborn child and gruesome realities of abortion, it breaks down the walls of ignorance and helps develop a culture of life.
It’s that simple.
As a Silent No More Awareness Campaign participant and sidewalk counselor at abortion clinics, my goal is to continue to break the silence by promoting increased public awareness regarding the regret and physical & emotional pain we have experienced from abortion, as well as reaching out & providing information to mothers and fathers about other alternatives other than abortion.
Having read the comments to date, I think that my goals reflect many of those posted thus far.
All people must be helped tounderstand that human beings are made in the image and likeness of God. As we know, many people unfortunately do not believe this simple truth. As a result of that, we may have several issues (battles) on our hands.
All individual conversations will likely be unique in content; it is finding some common ground some way that is the key to success.
I agree with the comment that if one can be guided to rationally consider what abortion really entails, life will win! However, the more self-centered a person is the more delicate the conversation has to be. (at least in order to make progress) We can never walk away from our attempts to convert someone, even it takes a great deal of time! Be patient, be charitable and most importantly discuss the topic with a sincere passion. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were the contemporary attitudes of abortion advocates!
I’m pretty much in agreement with Russ: I ask people if they know when life begins. Answers such as, “That’s above my pay grade.” don’t cut it. If you are not sure if that’s a life, then how can you condone taking it?
My experience working as a nurse on a unit with pregnant moms has been that the “wantedness” (and thus the possibility for abortion) has mostly to do with the mother and little to do w/ the baby. I hear moms saying that they are not ready or that they don’t have a good home situation, support, etc. Our emphasis as a movement is, I think rightly, changing to the vantage point of the mother because we are hearing that it is the mother’s perspective that decides the fate of the child. So, my first goal is to hear the woman’s concerns-her fears, her frustrations, and then when possible to help her determine what is grounded in fact versus emotion. Factual issues will need to be addressed and resolved. The boyfriend is abusive? She doesn’t have the money? Who will take care of the baby while she is at work? All legitimate issues…The bottom line has to be though the perspective of the Sisters of Life in NYC- I will be their friend, or there for them as a nurse, to love them no matter what decision they make. The Sisters taught me that sometimes God’s mercy and healing and a change of heart come only after the abortion. So, I want them to know that 1) I listened to them 2) I am there for them.
The “End” of praying for abortion?
-The END to abortion! Duh!
I WILL LET THEM KNOW THAT ABORTION IS AN EVIL PRACTISE WHIGH DEPRIVES A CHILD THE FUNDAMENTAL RIGHT TO LIFE.
IN THE AFRICAN TRADITION WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH ABORTION,SO IT HAS BECOME TO SPEAK ABOUT IT IN PUBLIC,THIS HAS RESORTED TO PEOPLE KILLING CHILDREN SILENTLY.I WILL MAKE REALISE THAT TALKING ABOUT ABORTION IS NOT A TABOO
Abortion really needs to be talked about by people,because nobody knows how often females are having abortions,especially in the Black community. Please go to http://www.youtube.com and please watch the very short film MAAFA21
Making the case that abortion is murder is easy, especially when mentioning that it stops a beating heart. What’s more difficult is discussing what leads up to the abortion. Talking about pregnancy prevention is tough for a Catholic who is not supposed to use contraception. Abstinence outside of marriage sounds completely unrealistic to the unchurched. Expressing it as a self-control issue is also difficult.
Comparing abortion to the Nazi Halocaust arouses strong feelings among Jewish people. Instead of the murders taking place in death camps, they now happen in air-conditioned medical clinics under fluorescent lights by smiling and sympathetic faces with soft music playing in the background. The case also needs to be made of the slippery slope of abortion, euthanasia, and genocide.
I don’t really talk about it that much because I tend to stumble over my words and I feel that the person I am talking to will think less of what I am telling them.